Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
