Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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