I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
