i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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