I can tuck mytits in my pants
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
