LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
