Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
