i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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