Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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