dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
