I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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