My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
