im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
