I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
