I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
