I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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