K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
