God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
