My first STD was from a foam party
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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