I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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