finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
