i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
