Too much gin, very little bucket
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
