Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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