is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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