I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
