my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
