Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
