There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was born a porn star she said
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
