Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
