you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
