i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
