Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
