They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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