Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
