you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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