Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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