My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
