just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
