oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
