I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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