someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
