eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
