At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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