So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm passing your future prison.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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