well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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