Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
