I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
