So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
