Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
