drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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