you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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