Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
