Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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