Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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