I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
