She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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