I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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