when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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